Hidan's Hotel
by shikashadow
Summary: The Akatsuki start a famous hotel. Everyone loves it except Hidan because he couldn't pick his job. Hidan then starts his own hotel and things get suspicious. Too suspicious..... *Story on Hiatus may be permanent*
1. Chapter 1

_Note: This is my first story so tell me what you think!_

_And also I do not own Naruto characters._

Hidan's Hotel

Chapter 1: The Meeting

Pein walked in the hideout slowly, but creepy. He made a half smile when he saw Konan sit across from Kisame. Pein hated Kisame. No one knew why though. Pein sat next to Konan and put his arm around her. Pein had a crush on Konan, but Konan was interested in Nagato, although they were the same person.

Konan moved Pein's arm back to his side and made a glare at him. "Idiot," She told him.

Itachi, Deidera, and Tobi came in. Deidera sat next to Konan, much to Tobi's annoyance. Tobi walked to the seat next to Deidera , but he pushed him to the seat down. Sasori then came and sat in between them.

Hidan and Kakuzu came in and sat next to each other, still bickering about failing to catch the nine-tailed fox. Hidan then moved and sat next to Itachi.

Itachi stared at Hidan, so Hidan moved down and sat next to Kisame. "I hate you Itachi" he whispered in his mouth.

Finally Zetsu came in and sat at the open spot. Pein rubbed his hands together and said, "We're having this meeting all together for the first time because our tailed beast catching isn't doing very well," Pein said with a frown on his face, "So me and Konan decided we should start a hotel! Right in the middle of Konaha." Pein smiled and started to look at everyone. He frowned. Everyone looked confused.

"A Hotel!" Hidan bellowed out to Pein. He got out of his chair and made a mad look in his eye. "You're saying we're starting a hotel! You have got to be kidding! First you pair me with the stupidest partner in the world, but now you want me work at this hotel!"

"Shut up Hidan!" yelled Deidera standing up, "I think building a hotel is an awesome! Right Sasori?" Deidera looked at Sasori. "Well, what do you think?" Sasori's face was blank.

"I'm fine with it, but there has to be a pool" Kisame pointed out. Itachi made a half smile. Kisame started to smile, "See, even Itachi wants to have a pool! Okay, since I thought of the pool I'm the lifeguard!"

"I wanted to be the lifeguard!" Zetsu's white side complained. The black side disagreed,"Well I want to be the doorman!" The white side roared with anger, "Lifeguard!" The black side groaned, "Let's be the doorman!"

Pein looked up. He shook his head because he was so annoyed. "YOU GUYS ARE BOTH THE CONCIERGE!" he shouted. The white and black side both agreed. Pein shook his head again. He stepped forward and slapped his hands together. "I'm the manager so I don't have to do the work. I each have a job for you. Kisame, you can be the lifeguard since you're basically half-shark! Zetsu, both of you should split apart and both are concierge's. Konan," Pein started to blush, "You get to pick what you want."

"I'll be the maid I guess," Konan responded. Konan rolled her eyes. She didn't know why Pein's treating her better than the others.

Pein continued, "Tobi, you're in charge of the front desk. You're good with people."

Zetsu's black side then interrupted, "Tobi is good with people!" The white side rolled his eye, "Of course he's good with people! Tobi's a good boy!"

Pein cleared his throat, "Okay you guys absolutely no interruptions. Hidan you're a-"

"WHAT! How come Konan gets to pick! I have to do what I tell you!" Hidan threw his chair at Pein. "I want to pick my job! I QUIT!" Hidan exited the hideout.

"Stupid idiot," Itachi muttered in his mouth. Sasori chuckled. Kakuzu stared at Pein. "I'll take his job!"

Pein shrugged his shoulders. "Fine! You can have Hidan's job. You're in charge of Ichiraku Ramen."

"Ichiraku Ramen? I loved that place! Me and Itachi visited it once but…Wait a minute? Why is Ichiraku ramen part of our hotel!" Kisame asked with anger.

"I bought it. Now can we please get back our job assignments? Sasori, you haven't talked at all! What do you want to be?" Pein quickly asked.

Deidera slapped his head with his mouth hand. "He gets to pick? I shouldn't have talked! While he's deciding, what's my job?"

Pein smiled and rolled his eyes "Well, you're the architect."

"Awesome," Deidera whispered.

"I got it!" Everyone stared at Sasori. "I'm the entertainment! Nice?" Sasori was nodding his head with a smile.

"You've gotten crazy ever since you turned yourself into a puppet!" Itachi smiled. Everyone stared at Itachi in shock.

"DID ITACHI JUST SMILE!" Kisame roared. Kisame started to laugh. "HAHAHAHAHA! Itachi and smiles put together, HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Everyone ignored Kisame.

Konan raised her hand.

Pein looked at Konan.

"Will Itachi get to pick his job? I personally think he'd be a great doorman. When Itachi opens that door everyone will stare at his eyes and Itachi will use his sharingan to make them want to stay here!" Konan said.

"That is brilliant idea!" Kakuzu answered.

"Yes." Itachi quickly said without his smile.

"Good thinking Konan. How'd you get this smart?" Kisame questioned.

Konan stared at Kisame with a mean look.

Pein interrupted, "So it's settled! I'm manager, Kisame's lifeguard, Tobi's front desk, Itachi's doorman," He cleared his throat, "Ahem, Sasori's the entertainment, Kakuzu's the restaurant owner, Deidera's our architect, Zetsu's the concierge, and Konan's our lovely maid!"

Konan rolled her eyes.

"Let's go!" Deidera shouted with a smile.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you all who have read this. I'm just continuing because I feel like it._

Hidan's Hotel

Chapter 2: Competition and Conflict

As Pein and the others were heading towards Konaha, he saw something in the distance. "Guys, someone's building a hotel right across our lot!" He shouted with fear, "What do we do Konan?" Pein started to walk in circles.

Konan put a frown on her face and said, "Why are you asking me? Ask Itachi. He's smart! So Itachi, what should we do?"

"We go and find out who is building this hotel, but we should really start building ours." Itachi answered.

Konan sighed, "Let's ask Zetsu then! Zetsu, go spy on this copy-cat!" Zetsu went to Konaha. Konan sighed again, "Deidera go start building the hotel."

Pein groaned, "Hey Konan, I'm the leader, I'm in charge, you are fired!" Everyone was stunned, "Okay you can have your job back but can we please keep moving?"

Zetsu came back. "It's Hidan! He's building a hotel!" The white side said. Everyone stopped with shock.

"Okay you guys don't panic. All we need are better service so if you're bad you're fired!" Pein said

"You better be paying us." Kisame said, "And if you're not, if you tick me off" Kisame got out his Samehada, "I'm gonna shred you until you can't see any of your remains. You got it?" Kisame swirled his Samehada 90 degrees at Konan, "That goes for you too. And even every Akatsuki member!" Everyone flinched as Kisame made an "evil laugh", "Except for Itachi. He's my partner."

"I'm not paying you," said a voice, "I'm gonna kill you." That guy ran away. "They always run away" said that voice. It was Hidan. "Jashin god, if you're listening, I hope you're proud! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" yelled Hidan.

Another voice came over, "What are you doing idiot?" His name was Shikamaru Nara, "I was just on my way to Ichiraku Ramen until it was closed out of business. And then I see you, the Akatsuki member I hate. I'm gonna report you." Hidan stopped him.

"No you can't as you can see. I'm building a hotel. Oh, and I was just going to search for a best man. So?" Hidan asked smiling at Shikamaru.

"Sure," he answered.

"Yes!" Hidan shouted.

"I'll get Sasuke for you." He said.

"No I mean you Shikamaru! But ask Sasuke, he'll make a good edition to my crew." Hidan chuckled with delight. He looked and saw Sasuke Uchiha coming towards him and yelled, "Sasuke! Join my hotel!"

Sasuke answered, "No."

"Pretty please?" HIdan crept over to him.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "What am I doing?"

"Concierge!" Hidan hopped like a bunny.

"Sasuke, this guy's an idiot," Shikamaru whispered to Hidan, "So Hidan, I know it's troublesome but what am I doing?"

"The front desk! And by the way, who will be a good spy?" Hidan questioned with his left eyebrow up.

Sasuke responded with a sigh, "Hinata Hyuuga."

Hidan pointed at Shikamaru, "Best man find this Hyuuga girl!"

"How troublesome!" Shikamaru said.

"Will Naruto be doing it?" Hinata asked. She started twittling her index fingers, "I'll do it if Naruto does."

Shikamaru paused, "Well, Sasuke is! You can work with him!"

Hinata frowned, "Sasuke Uchiha! He's not my type."

"You're not gonna make out with him! Just work with him. I know it's troublesome but please?" Shikamaru sat on his knees and begged.

"Fine," Hinata turned and walked away.

"Pein! Hidan's making his crew with Konaha members!" Zetsu told the group.

Pein started sweating, "All we need is to give out discounts!"

"I'm done!" Deidera yelled coming toward Pein and Zetsu.

Pein started to look, "Hmmmm the outline awesome, nice touch on the Akatsuki cloak clouds, I'm gonna look inside." Pein stepped in those doors and for him, it felt like heaven. "Oh crap!" He muttered in his teeth. "It looks just like a pictured it. Two giant hands in the middle. Behind one, the front desk, behind the other, the concierge. In the back is the door to Sasori's entertainment bar. Wait a minute. Where's Sasori? I haven't seen him all day! Zetsu go look for Sasori!"

"LEADER OVER HERE!" Pein and Zetsu turned around.

"Sasori! I've been looking all over for you! Where have you been?" Pein said with a look on his face. Zetsu chuckled.

"I've been working on my show and watch!" Sasori turned around. He ripped off his cloak. He turned back around. On his chest were lights that said, Sasori's puppet show.

Pein covered his face. "That is horrible! You're fired! TOBI!"

Tobi came running from the floor above, "Yes master?"

Pein asked him, "Go look for Sasori's grandmother. Chiyo I think. Sasori got fired."

"Yes sir!" Tobi teleported to Sunagakure

Sasori stomped over to Pein. "You'd rather have granny Chiyo than me? That's the most stupidest idea I have ever heard!"

Pein looked at him and said, "Sasori. Brother. Your chest sign, puppet watcha-ma-call-it, is too inappropriate. Granny Chiyo will tune down just a notch.

"It's a bar! Not a musical theatre! She'll die from all the smoke she inhales." Sasori bellowed.

Pein nodded his head, "Sasori, sasori, sasori, just go be the bellhop."

Sasori stomped away.

"Hinata, Sasuke, Shikamaru," Hidan asked, "Contact Yamanaka flower shop."

"What for Mr. Hidan?" Hinata asked.

Hidan replied, "Let's just say we'll need a lot of flowers. MWAHAHAHAHA MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Shikamaru crept over to Sasuke and whispered, "Hidan's still an idiot!"

"Right back at you Shika." Sasuke smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

_Sorry for the LONG update, I had schoolwork to do_

Hidan's Hotel

Chapter 3: Barrage vs. Barrage

"No!" Ino yelled at Shikamaru after his offer of letting her work at the hotel.

"Why?" Shikamaru asked.

"No way am I working at a hotel. Hotel's are for dorks and weirdoes!" Ino said. Shikamaru made a look in his eye. Ino was frightened, "except for you!"

"C'mon! Sasuke will be there!" Shikamaru told Ino.

Ino jumped for joy and shouted, "SASUKE! I LOVE SASUKE! Of course! Why didn't you tell me that earlier?"

"How troublesome!" Shikamaru thought.

Hinata was in charge to get Kiba in the hotel business. She saw Kiba playing fetch with Akamaru. "Kiba!" She yelled.

"Eh?" Kiba looked at Hinata, "Oh hey Hinata! Wanna play fetch with me?"

"No, I just wanted to ask you something!" Hinata asked.

Kiba stared at her, "What?"

Hinata took a deep breath and said, "Do you wanna work at a hotel?"

Kiba laughed. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!"

Hinata made a mad look, "I'm serious."

Kiba stopped laughing, "Oh."

"Please?" Hinata said.

He questioned, "Why would I want to work at a hotel! Hotel's are for dorks and weirdoes!" Kiba paused, "Except for you."

"Fine!" She walked slowly away, "I won't be able to work with my best friend," Hinata walked even slower, "I'll just live my life working at a boring hotel!" Hinata stopped, "And I have dog food that I won't be able to feed!"

"DOG FOOD!" Kiba ran towards Hinata. "Of course I'll do it!"

Hinata smiled.

Pain cut the ribbon. "The hotel is finally open!"

Loads of Konoha people went inside even the hokage, Tsunade.

Konan saw Tsunade and went up to her, "Lady Hokage! May I help you with your coat?"

Tsunade smiled, "Of course! So," she paused, "Where's the casino?"

Konan responded, "We have no casino!"

Tsunade turned around and left.

"Lady Tsunade's leaving! We should leave too!" A guy said. One by one everyone kept leaving until only one remained. Asuma Sarutobi.

Pain looked at Asuma, "You're our number 1 guest!"

Asuma left.

Sasori went next to Pain, "You should've kept me as the entertainment!"

Pain sighed, "I'm going to bed."

Sasuke, in charge of getting Naruto to join, saw Naruto training with Jiraiya.

"Pervy sage teach me how to do another cool rasengan trick!" Naruto asked.

"Naruto!" Sasuke yelled.

Naruto turned and looked at Sasuke, "Sasuke. When did you come back? You show up after the hundredth time I've tried to send you back but no. You show up now!"

Sasuke pointed at Naruto, "Join me!"

Naruto's eyes opened, "You want me to join to the dark side!"

"No you dork, join the hotel business!"

"HAHAHAHA!" Naruto said, "never! _Shadow Clone Jutsu!"_ a bunch of clones appeared and went over to Sasuke, "_Uzumaki Barrage!"_ A clone grabbed Sasuke but Sasuke made all the clones disappear with his sword.

"_Lions Barrage!"_ Sasuke yelled. He shot Naruto in the air and shot him back down.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY NO!" Naruto yelled, "The hotel's are for dorks and weirdoes!" Naruto stood back up, "except for you!"

"_Sharingan!"_ Sasuke's eyes turned flaming red.

Naruto answered, "I will work at a hotel." Naruto was controlled by Sasuke.

"Thank you!" Naruto responded.

"It's time." Pain told Konan, "to gather the sand village!"

_This is a very short chapter so, sorry!_

_I have writer's block so review and give me ideas!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry for late Update one word-School!_

Hidan's Hotel

Chapter 4: Customers

Konan and Pein arrived at Suna where they were treated by thousands of kunais, shurikans, and senbons. They soon escaped and headed for the kazekage office.

"This is so boring!" Tobi yelled. He yelled again across the room to Kisame, "Truth or Dare?"

"Dare," Kisame responded.

Zetsu's black side shouted with joy, "I dare you to take off your pants to see those shark private parts!"

Kisame soon took off his pants and everyone laughed, "Okay," Kisame said, "Itachi, truth or dare?"

"Dare," Itachi said with a boring voice.

Sasori went out of the bathroom and told Itachi, "I dare you to sing in front of us!"

Itachi started singing, "_If you're happy and you know it clap your hands!" _There was a pause of shock throughout the entire room, "I said CLAP!" Itachi bellowed awakening his mangekyou Sharingan.

Everyone clapped with him.

"Sasori, truth or dare," asked Itachi.

"Truth," Sasori asked.

"Okay, this is totally pointless!" Zetsu's white side yelled out.

Zetsu's black side then said, "Um, I like the idea."

There was a bell rung, "Can I please get some service!" It was Genma

Tobi rushed to the front desk, "Hello! Welcome our hotel! Would you like our premium package?"

"No I'd like some change please!" Genma demanded. Genma handed him 4 quarters.

"Tobi you idiot! Let me handle this," Deidara said. Deidara walked up to Genma, "You get a free pass to the casino that we're currently working on if you buy one room."

Genma thought then said, "I do like casinos! What the heck!" Genma gave Deidara his credit card.

Tobi crossed his arms, "I could've done that!"

"So, why does that guy have a sign on his chest?" Genma asked.

"Don't ask," Itachi suddenly said.

* * *

Hinata was using her byakugan, "They h-have their first customer!"

"No! This can't happen!" Hidan yelled to himself, "Shikamaru just turn the open sign on!"

Shikamaru did, "Can I have my break now?"

"No you cannot! We have work to do!" Hidan told everyone. Hidan rushed to the front desk.

"This is totally stupid! Shouldn't we be training instead of working at this hotel?" Naruto asked everybody.

Hidan saw someone come in, "A customer!"

It was Tsunade, "Is there a casino in here?"

"No there is not!" Kiba yelled from the restaurant.

Tsunade left.

"Crap!" Hidan yelled.

* * *

"You're just saying you want the sand to just take a vacation to the leaf for no reason?" Temari asked Pein and Konan.

"Exactly," Konan said.

Kankuro leaned over to Gaara and whispered to him, "Whatever you do, say no!"

"Yes," Gaara said with his tone of voice.

Pein jumped up, "HAHA! C'mon! Take a vacation!"

Temari rolled her eyes, "What has Gaara done!"

As three days past neither Hidan's Hotel nor the Akatsuki's Hotel gained a member. Genma decided to leave the Akatsuki Hotel the 12 minutes after he checked in. Pein and Konan returned with many sand ninja. "I brought company!" Pein said as he walked in.

_My Chapters keep getting shorter and shorter! _:(


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